With every degree the temperature drops, the struggle to wake up grows harder. Are the mornings this hard for everyone? With every hour that passes in the day the desire to disappear grows stronger. Are the days this hard for everyone? And with every new thought fighting against the sleep collecting behind my eyes, my bed becomes a battlefield. Stirring dreams keep me tossing and turning without rest. Are the nights this hard for everyone?
I know I’m so much more beautiful when I’ve got my chin up. I know I can be so much more valuable and inspiring when I’m bubbling with optimism. I used to be told all the time I was someone who exuded brightness and energy. Why does it feel so impossible now to even feel so much as average? I want to be happy again. Not just for myself. I want to feel better for those around me. The people I love don’t deserve to be constantly dragged down by me. The people I love deserve my best.
It’s become so hard to look back on things without disdain. Memories of us have become tainted behind the smudged and blurry frame of arguments; the sounds of our laughter drowned out by the silence which grew between us. We loved, a lot. I think we must have laughed a lot too. Why was that never enough?
You will forever have me crushed.
I want to know what inspires you.
I try to convince myself sometimes that maybe I played some role in your life afterall. Maybe I was a small fragment, obsolete yet essential, lost somewhere in the sequential moments of your pleasure seeking.
Surprised at how well I’ve survived the past week without Internet!
Not surprised that in my first week of living in Toronto again I’ve probably gained 10 pounds.
You win some you lose some…
Are you the coward?
Or maybe it’s just something about me.
And all the words in the world are just so fucking empty.
I didn’t really want to share the list of food I ate today because it’s a bit embarrassing, but OMG everything I ate today started with C hahaha what like cream cheese and cucumber, coffee, cheese, cabbage rolls, chocolate cookies, celery and carrots, chicken casserole, caesar salad (even had croutons), wuuuuuuuuut I didn’t even think C was a very popular letter.
Okay realistically I am still so in love with the Disney classics I grew up with, and I totally cannot even wait to be in Disney and just like be listening to Disney music IN Disney, and meet the cool characters and THEN even go to Harry Potter world after Disney and just glooooooobbbbbbbbbbb I’m so excited I’ve been listening to Disney playlists for the past like two weeks now my inner child eeeeeeep.
HOLY SHIT WOW.
The big move is only two days away!
House-warming presents are 100% welcome, and in fact, totally encouraged!